Tasteless

A word spoken into exsitance has the power to tear me down but I can’t let it. I know it would be better to take it back but I lost the flavor and now can remember what it was like before. This word gives meaning when there wasn’t any. Bringing to life things that I should have just let die but I can’t. It is a curse to go back and give it away. Cracks appear on my mind because I decided to trust this broken word with a broken meaning. Leaving me spinning. Telling tall tales about how I have courage to defeat my own creation. But I guess I am paitent.

I guess I am just that paitent.

Liars Retreat

Thespian plays to end the day to

Dreaming but I can’t forgive

Them all dancing gracefully

As I fall down in shame

Screaming, screeching in my brain

Full of aching pain

That’s never ending

This dream full of dancing fools

Beating to the sounds of hearts

Falling , failing one beat at a time

Is evident here as I crawl in line

To sample the delight

Full of white lines and broken glass

Raised on high as crowds stand

With applause in hand to cover the sound

Of a thousand dying hearts

And fading parts


K – Kindess

I guess I have overcome a lot in my life. At times this is not really easy to see. I surrounded myself with self defeating imagery in the hopes that it will help me see reason. But it never works.

I know that others have it worse.

I know that I am in a better place.

I know it.

I see it

But that doesn’t always help.

I am so used to it and do not know how to change it. If I am being honest here, I think I need it. I have spent so many years of my life hating myself and others around me that it is pretty much the only way I can tell that I alive.

I think I made a comment about how I am not good with “positive” stories. I do not do love. Or happiness. Or joy. Not unless someone is suffering in someway. I fully admit that this makes me an edge queen and quiet possibly makes me seem a bit immature.

But…this is my therapy. This is how I heal.

I may surround myself with negativity but it is the only way I can used to things.

Send it below or Fucking use it

I remember the day I told my friend that I would use this very qoute from her book. I was maybe 16 and have since lived by it.

My past defines me because it gives me the ability to create this things. I use it. So with my pain, and lonliness, and heartache, and stress, what am I?

So yea…I do not think I would have a purpose without it. I may never ever really get better and I am ok with that.

It is a kindess to believe otherwise and I just do not have the space for that.

Still I respect it all the same.

H _ Holdings

I told you that I was a curse

At worst a mistake

Upon a broken page

Pierced heavily with a holy blade

I am a demon made of sin

Because only the devoted would let me in

I am something to be forgotten

But those words spoken so prettily

Could never be the real me

I wish I was a demon

I wish I was cursed

I wish there was a reason

To leave this earth

Because I need purpose

I don’t want to feel worthless

Because I am not her

I will never be

I am not the key to your heart

You see

But there is nothing else for me

I am not a demon

I am not cursed

And no matter how much it hurts

I am worthless

A purposeless fraud

Just a sad little girl who is lost.

A/N I have not been doing well lately. Kind of depressed…ok fine, loads of depressed. All of the depressed please and thank you. I can tell you how it started buut I rather not. Since I still want to keep doing the challenges I will devote this week to the emotional drama that is my mind. Chemical imbalances for the win.

For those who do not like this kind of stuff all is well. I am only allowing myself a week to do these types of poems. After that I will save my innermost emo ness for outside of the challenge post. Because truly would I really be me if I didn’t debby downer the world.

J – Just me

I think I am a curse

Not that I will admit to it outloud

But still, I am

Something that is best discarded

(I look better in the trash)

Something that is best forgotten

(I look better in the past)

I am a curse And at worst

I am a nightmare edging on a dream

Just waiting to be discovered

A simple mistake

A makeup of fatal takes

I am a disgusting curse

Put on this earth by mistake

Should have never taken that first breath

Should have laid my soul to rest

F – Forgive Me

It surprised me that I liked it

The way you laid before me

Arms reaching out for some reprieve

I could see it in your eyes

Tears of glory full of grace

But I hold the rod you see

I am the one who makes you bleed

It surprised me that I liked it

So far from my conformt zone

Maybe it’s the look on your face

A sort of pain that can’t be faked

I can see you reach for a reprieve

As though that will save your life

You forget me dear for I hold the rod

I will be the one who fixes these wrongs

A/N I am not doing well… Hmmm mistakes were made. I will go over this another day.

Also pretty sure I misused the word Reprieve

Thems the themes son

So as one can tell I am not good at sticking to plans. I had planned to write about love and ending on writing about self-hatred and love for someone else. This was not my goal but it is were my mind is going. So for my week of poems I will be focused on writing my emotionally draining stuff but will try to pick back up with the original theme in the following weeks. Sorry that I suck so bad.