The end of the day

So, as one can figure, I forgot about this months challenge. So didn’t participate in full like I had planned. But I want to keep trying anyways. So as I gain my muses I will try to finish out the challenge in my own time. I won’t be able to make claim to actually finishing like others will but I still want to try to get through the letters.

Pray for me dear readers. For I have taken upon myself a mission of sweet release that may not come to me for some time.

F – Freeze me

My mother wouldn’t look at me no matter how much I tried to catch her. I think a part of her knew. Of course she will pretend other wise, but what else is there to believe. The women who carried me would never be capable of this. At least, that is the story I wish I could believe. My own mother can not bare to look at me. She turns away every chance she gets. Lips tremble as she lies. Eyes glisten as she hides. She can stand to touch my hand. Or rather, what little that is left. I think it scares her. But I wish she could see that it scares me more. I am the one who will never be loved. The one who will always be alone. I can find my beauty in other things. But not if she can not do this simple task. I need my mother to see me. I need her not to grieve whats gone. She can’t bare it though. Despite that fact that it was I who was wronged.

E – Evade

He took his time with me.

I do not remember screaming, but it must have been loud enough to wake what demons had been standing by. For when I opened my eyes next they had been sitting at my side with such pitiful looks. One gently laid his hand on my chest while alone started to cry. When he took away I could see blood from a wound I could no recall ever getting.

Carved into me so deeply

There may have been a moment when I tried to move, but I can not remember. Waking up in a room full of people who could not see. Their eyes sewed shut with broken pieces of red string. I only just begin to notice one sniffing the air when I begin to hear again.

Someone nearby is weeping

Carefully I extend a hand. Grasp for what left. What’s there. I do not think she has noticed me. So committed to her screaming. There are tears I wish I could expend but I fear the meaning would be lost to her. Poor lamb who got caught. Poor lamb who may never get up

D – Defend Me

Reckless sinner unhand me

speaking words as you bleed

did you not see the lies

or where you to busy averting you eyes

hiding away from gods grace

turning love to shame in his holy name

tactless sinner who dared to grieve

speaking words till you bleed

did you mean to unhand me

or where you to busy down on your knees

begging a god who has left unseen

soaking in such terrible dreams

thoughtless sinner who left me free

drowning in words that surely bleed

you weren’t meant to do these deeds

yet you lie there in a broken heap

revenge for a god who can never be

Tricks

I have spoken a curse

As I lay in bed I begin to think of all the reasons I may have failed today. From sleeping in till noon. To ignoring my daughter as she gives an extensive recap to the movie we just finished watching…for the fifth time this week. I don’t think I am doing enough but what else is there to do? The school work that has since piled up? The text messages and phone calls that never came should probably be returned. But will I? Probably not. I do not think that I will change.

Admits all of this turmoil I do not think that I can. It is a blessing really

Or rather a curse.

For here sit complaining about my lack of action as if it is the fault of someone else. Maybe it would better if it was. The blame doesn’t sit right in my skin. Woo that line. Please refrain of harping at me if I happened to use it in a poem. I am a very petty poet with angsty dreams and one must never stray from ones comfort zone.

But I digress.

I think it would better if I do not speak such curses outloud. Keep them bottled up inside and try to appear normal. That is the goal we all share right? Be normal

Feel normal

Exude such normalcy that it becomes instinctive to the soul.

Curses only hurt those who…

Oh who am I kidding

Normal is boring…

Bring on the pain.

C – Control Me

That’s OK Kiss me kindly

bind me to the page

bring about the rage

that OK just kill me

neatly with no grace

I was made to expend

I was made to defend

Kiss me when the beat drops

Take apart, my heart stops

I was made in demand

I was made with you in hand

destroy my body cause you able

Suspended above the table

My blood is what you crave

So make it last for days

Kill me blindly with no grace

I was made for this disgrace