I have made a habit
Of tying strings around my thumb
I want to make it last but
It keeps on going numb
I think that if I try
A little harder than before
I could probably convince my body to
Hurt a little more
Monthly Archives: August 2020
I wonder
“Do you regret it?”
“No, why should I?”
“Because you gave up!”
“No…I didn’t…”
“But you did! Had you listened to me-“
“What? Had I listened to you what!?”
“…We would be happy…a family.”
“No, we wouldn’t. We would be content. A mix of shame and regrets. We would have hated each other in the end”
“But-“
“And you wanna know what the worst part is?”
“…what? What could be worst than being a murderer?”
“That…that right there. We were never be fit to be more than friends. Yet you wished to make something out of what was not meant to be? Why? For such a little thing that we would both abandon. You despise me without reason and yet you scream about what ‘could have happened’ what ‘could have been’. When right now! Yes! Now! You hide behind a smirk. You want to be so woke yet you expect things. Grand things that bring about disorder. All because you felt as though a bundle of cell could bring us closer. “
“BUT OUR DAUGHTER”
“…”
“Or our son. Should have had fighting chance to become one”
“But you don’t want me”
“But…yes, still it would have been worth it since you already let me inside your dress. What a little bit more for both our sakes. Someone around to tie us to the stake. Sure we would burn and we may hate. But it would be worth it over this mistake. “
“So you would rather live in misery?”
“I rather IT live”
Postpartum
“My daughter…”
“Yes?”
“I do not think I am enough…”
“That is ok, no one ever does.”
A trip for one
“Spill the tea on your reservations!”
“But it’s to hot to bear.”
“Well lay with me a minute, I know that it is to cold in hell.”
My mind hurts
This is a drug. Sculpted by a set of hand cuffs made of plaster. Not my finest creation, but this is not my finest hour. It sits and bakes in the wake off the addict. Hidden somewhere among the weeds and the trees and the flowers. Only another who suffers could understand it’s power. How it grows and holds. Expanding from the molds which housed it. A plant in the mind of those who know where to look. Where to find such meaningless things in wish filled dreams. Only they can understand. This drug. Sculpted by a set of plasterd handcuffs. This isn’t my finest creation but it only took an hour. I can choose to give it power or I can choose to throw it away. I am the addict who hides. Among the tree and and weeds and thorns. Watching as it expands from the molds I sculpted. I leave meaning in its creations. Define it by wish filled dreams. Only I can understand it. This is a drug.
A/N I can’t sleep again. I can feel the cycle starting. How empty i feel. I am sharing this one ahead of schedule because…well because it makes no sense. And I need to empty my mind right now before everything starts fading again.
So I’ve gathered
I dream of wicked things.
Spliced together with feathers of woe
I am told that this is not normal
But I gather clouded screams like candy
And wave them in my head
I know I am far from sane but
I doubt I am better off dead
I dream of such wicked things
Spilled with feathers of old
I am told I am nowhere near normal
But I gather clouded being that matter
And keep them in my head
I know that I am far from sane but
Such things only matter when you are dead
Red rain
I coughed into a handkerchief
As I escaped the deadly poor
Such a waste of resources
But it covers up the gore.
Already Alice
“Why answer my question with a vague statement?”
Inquired the butterfly with a sigh
“Because there is no better way to lie than with a conflicted mind.”
it is 6 am and i am still stuck
largely because
i do not think i am enough
i could ask her to clarify
but i am to afraid to hear a lie
it’s 6:03 and i can’t breathe
yet i write such meaningless things
in the hope that it will get better
with time
Maybe Alice
“Do you think reason can be found in dying?”
Said the butterfly with a scoff.
“I think that there is reason in being, even if it comes to soon for most”
NIGHTMARE FANTASY 