So my last poem screaming for a class and thank you to those who saw and read it and I am so sorry for all the mistakes. Please forgive me!!!!
I am afraid to vent
Cause you’ll grab a gun and your brain will splatter
And right in the same matter you’ll write
And ask me what I meant
As though it isn’t already to late
I lost a bet and you choice the date
To fuck it all up but blame me for the mistake
Because it is
One that I am unable to accept as anything but my own
Cause your gone now
No one is home
All because I couldn’t vent
Couldn’t tell you what it all meant
When I would sign in pillow
Lie a little when you asked
grabbed a baseball bat to pass the time
As though all would be all right with a little fucking excessive exercise
It is my fault my mistakes my lost fate
That gave you a reason to choose that fucking date
Did you lose focus before you felt the beed to bleed
Leave me to grieve for things I can not see
I was already in pain so why the fuck did you leave
Did you think it will fix everything?
A repetition to the same problem
Now what am I suppose to do?
I can’t vent
Tell the world what I meant
Make them understand this mistake
For your sake
I am hope you are happy in that new place
I am in college now. I figured things would be easy but I forgot just how depression works. Every encouraging word is met with a voice telling me that I am fucking up. How do I explain to people that what they say is nice but mt brain won’t let me except it.
My professor flagged my profile and talked about what a wonderful job I was doing. But I couldn’t…I couldn’t accept it.
I feel like such a failure. I do not have anyone I can talk about this with. Not to say I haven’t tried but everyone has their own problems to work through.
I want to self harm like crazy but I can’t. I don’t want my daughter disappointed in me. The urge is getting louder. I do not know how much time I have before I just give in or blow up.