I am in college now. I figured things would be easy but I forgot just how depression works. Every encouraging word is met with a voice telling me that I am fucking up. How do I explain to people that what they say is nice but mt brain won’t let me except it.

My professor flagged my profile and talked about what a wonderful job I was doing. But I couldn’t…I couldn’t accept it.

I feel like such a failure. I do not have anyone I can talk about this with. Not to say I haven’t tried but everyone has their own problems to work through.

I want to self harm like crazy but I can’t. I don’t want my daughter disappointed in me. The urge is getting louder. I do not know how much time I have before I just give in or blow up.

9 responses to “Update

  1. I wish I could wrap you up in care and soothe you until feel okay, but I can’t. All I have to offer is love and understanding from the other side of the world. ❤ ❤ ❤
    I wish it amounted to something more useful to you than just words.

    • I am doing better now. It was kind of rough for a while there but I am ok. Even though there are times I hurt regardless of kind words people give me they still matter. I am grateful every comment and advice given to me.

      • I’ve been a little unwell for a while, but things are getting better lately. Thank you so much for your care, my friend. 🙂 And thank you for following too! ❤

      • Haha I didn’t know that I hadn’t followed you beforehand. Sorry for that. I had thought I did.
        I am sorry you have been unwell but am happy to hear that you have been getting better. I look forward to reading your post.

      • I hadn’t noticed either, I guess it didn’t matter.
        But may I say that now you have, I’m very very flattered. 🙂

      • ^-^ well for awhile there I was worried cause I hadn’t heard from you but didn’t know how to check up on you. I am glad I have a way now. I have a friend who is currently making a blog and I will make sure to show them your page as well, if you do not mind that is.

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