F – Freeze me

My mother wouldn’t look at me no matter how much I tried to catch her. I think a part of her knew. Of course she will pretend other wise, but what else is there to believe. The women who carried me would never be capable of this. At least, that is the story I wish I could believe. My own mother can not bare to look at me. She turns away every chance she gets. Lips tremble as she lies. Eyes glisten as she hides. She can stand to touch my hand. Or rather, what little that is left. I think it scares her. But I wish she could see that it scares me more. I am the one who will never be loved. The one who will always be alone. I can find my beauty in other things. But not if she can not do this simple task. I need my mother to see me. I need her not to grieve whats gone. She can’t bare it though. Despite that fact that it was I who was wronged.

E – Evade

He took his time with me.

I do not remember screaming, but it must have been loud enough to wake what demons had been standing by. For when I opened my eyes next they had been sitting at my side with such pitiful looks. One gently laid his hand on my chest while alone started to cry. When he took away I could see blood from a wound I could no recall ever getting.

Carved into me so deeply

There may have been a moment when I tried to move, but I can not remember. Waking up in a room full of people who could not see. Their eyes sewed shut with broken pieces of red string. I only just begin to notice one sniffing the air when I begin to hear again.

Someone nearby is weeping

Carefully I extend a hand. Grasp for what left. What’s there. I do not think she has noticed me. So committed to her screaming. There are tears I wish I could expend but I fear the meaning would be lost to her. Poor lamb who got caught. Poor lamb who may never get up

D – Defend Me

Reckless sinner unhand me

speaking words as you bleed

did you not see the lies

or where you to busy averting you eyes

hiding away from gods grace

turning love to shame in his holy name

tactless sinner who dared to grieve

speaking words till you bleed

did you mean to unhand me

or where you to busy down on your knees

begging a god who has left unseen

soaking in such terrible dreams

thoughtless sinner who left me free

drowning in words that surely bleed

you weren’t meant to do these deeds

yet you lie there in a broken heap

revenge for a god who can never be

C – Control Me

That’s OK Kiss me kindly

bind me to the page

bring about the rage

that OK just kill me

neatly with no grace

I was made to expend

I was made to defend

Kiss me when the beat drops

Take apart, my heart stops

I was made in demand

I was made with you in hand

destroy my body cause you able

Suspended above the table

My blood is what you crave

So make it last for days

Kill me blindly with no grace

I was made for this disgrace

B – Break Me

He has his hand on my thigh

A fistful of regret tightly clenched in each touch

He speaks to me, not wanting me

but desire slickers in blank spaces

Where her face was once seen erases

He doesn’t want me but I am the next best thing

Alone and awake with such sensitive taste

I do not think he has noticed that I feel the same

Slinking desire for a man I can’t see

Holding my thighs together while whispering “forgive me”

Thems the themes son

So as one can tell I am not good at sticking to plans. I had planned to write about love and ending on writing about self-hatred and love for someone else. This was not my goal but it is were my mind is going. So for my week of poems I will be focused on writing my emotionally draining stuff but will try to pick back up with the original theme in the following weeks. Sorry that I suck so bad.