K – Kindess

I guess I have overcome a lot in my life. At times this is not really easy to see. I surrounded myself with self defeating imagery in the hopes that it will help me see reason. But it never works.

I know that others have it worse.

I know that I am in a better place.

I know it.

I see it

But that doesn’t always help.

I am so used to it and do not know how to change it. If I am being honest here, I think I need it. I have spent so many years of my life hating myself and others around me that it is pretty much the only way I can tell that I alive.

I think I made a comment about how I am not good with “positive” stories. I do not do love. Or happiness. Or joy. Not unless someone is suffering in someway. I fully admit that this makes me an edge queen and quiet possibly makes me seem a bit immature.

But…this is my therapy. This is how I heal.

I may surround myself with negativity but it is the only way I can used to things.

Send it below or Fucking use it

I remember the day I told my friend that I would use this very qoute from her book. I was maybe 16 and have since lived by it.

My past defines me because it gives me the ability to create this things. I use it. So with my pain, and lonliness, and heartache, and stress, what am I?

So yea…I do not think I would have a purpose without it. I may never ever really get better and I am ok with that.

It is a kindess to believe otherwise and I just do not have the space for that.

Still I respect it all the same.


The world of D&D has always fascinated me. Weaving storyline on the spot thay come a live as you act them out with friends and not so much friends. 

This is what I have longed to be apart of. Yet I have always found myself afraid to get into it. Like, I would google the crap out of it, but actually talking to others about it didn’t happen. 

It was my own dirty little secret. One that I knew my family and many of my friends would judge me for. 

I had zero faith in the game. Recently though I found myself talking to a friend who played often. A friend I used to hate because I felt they were uppity. A friend I judged way to harshly for just existing. 

Talking to them I learned a story I always wanted to tell but never had the courage to. I told him the gifts I didn’t dare to reach for and the dreams I wouldn’t allow myself to see. We had fun and laughed about nothing in particular. I made a friend out of someone I secretly hated. 

D&D brings people together and allows them to enjoy a world not of our own. Allows them to be whom they want. The mightiest dwarf, the kindest elf, The bravest Teifling. It does things to people. I used to not let myself enjoy these things but now I think I just might. 

Werewolves and idiots

Now momma didn’t raise no quitters but I feel inclined to make an exception for this book. It is your everyday supernatural book with the theme being werewolves and men  love. Only they are not on love and these guys are going around acting like 12 year old boys hyped on drugs. For a romance there is very little of that.

 Human goes to a bar, meets a badass run of the mill werewolf and falls hopelessly into the realm of pissed losses of and disdain with him. He has no redeeming qualities what so ever,  this human. No instead he is whinny and gives A Date With A Vampire, Raven, a run for her money. 

When the supernatural soldier tells you to stay put, you stay your ass put. You do do not go waltzing into danger like you own the world. 

This human, because I refuse to say his name, put the cock in cocky. 

Now someone could argue and say that he didn’t mean to. Going through a change is difficult on a person. Well tell that to the author. When change happen people do mess up but this guy was able to think clearly in every other moment but this. Closer to the full moon or not, he had pretty decent control. 

So what gives!

Oh yes so enter the Werewolf. Due to some mistaken identity this guy attacks the wrong person. He attacks a human while trying to chance down another werewolf. How did he make this mistake? By extremely careful planning and thief ex machina that’s how! A series of very unfortunate events happened. Events that would lead others to believe that it has taken them months maybe even years of planning. Including finding out the personality traits of this one human. Someone would to have known he would try to run after someone who stole his wallet. Don’t know about the rest of the world but I would cut my loses and say duces to the coupons stuck in it. Especially since he never got it back anyways. 
  I am sorry but if a big burly man stole my wallet…nope. No, that wallet is not wasting my life over. 

That being said they met and the human was bitten. This wouldn’t be that big of a deal if not for the fact that in this book humans can sue for that. Yes, bites are basically equal to rape and a werewolf does that he could be sent to jail, exiled, or killed. Depending on location, his pack leader could kill them both. In even more ways the pack leader could take the blame, even if he didn’t know, and be jailed or killed. 

 Guess what route these two idiots took. Yep they choose to risk the pack. Even though there is a good chance that this human may not turn. While I can understand that I still don’t like it. 

My problem is lack of romance in this story. Just mindless sex from two guys where one can’t barely stand the other. I mean he hates werewolves and I am suppose to believe that him being adultnapped and bitten without consent is going to make them call in Love? Especially when his reasoning for not liking them in the first place is that he had a bad experience with one. NAY,I say, nay, however this turns out it will be forced. I am really hoping they do not end up together. 
Sadly I will finish this book. Hopefully the end isn’t as mind numbing as the rest of it. 

Update: CALLLED IT!!!