Tag Archives: Reading

K – Kindess

Posted by Zeannaroux on

I guess I have overcome a lot in my life. At times this is not really easy to see. I surrounded myself with self defeating imagery in the hopes that it will help me see reason. But it never works.

I know that others have it worse.

I know that I am in a better place.

I know it.

I see it

But that doesn’t always help.

I am so used to it and do not know how to change it. If I am being honest here, I think I need it. I have spent so many years of my life hating myself and others around me that it is pretty much the only way I can tell that I alive.

I think I made a comment about how I am not good with “positive” stories. I do not do love. Or happiness. Or joy. Not unless someone is suffering in someway. I fully admit that this makes me an edge queen and quiet possibly makes me seem a bit immature.

But…this is my therapy. This is how I heal.

I may surround myself with negativity but it is the only way I can used to things.

Send it below or Fucking use it

I remember the day I told my friend that I would use this very qoute from her book. I was maybe 16 and have since lived by it.

My past defines me because it gives me the ability to create this things. I use it. So with my pain, and lonliness, and heartache, and stress, what am I?

So yea…I do not think I would have a purpose without it. I may never ever really get better and I am ok with that.

It is a kindess to believe otherwise and I just do not have the space for that.

Still I respect it all the same.

Back in my day…

Posted by Zeannaroux on

As a child I read a lot of books that were probably really bad for me. Romance novels, mystery novels, novels where someone important died at end and I was to little to realize that crying over fictional characters would get me laughed at as I aged. I am totally over that though, no hard feelings towards people who made fun of my…well.. my feelings. I am going on a tangent here…

See, back in my day romance had a different flavor. I was to little to understand how authors battled each other for the spotlight. To me they wrote for the fun of it and weren’t oppressed by societies expectations. They did not feel the same pain us lowly untalented plebs went through. It was until I was older that I learned any differently but still I drowned myself in the worlds of others. Teaching myself to see through their eyes with a greater understanding then my peers. I wanted to witness love from places reality could not touch.

So is it any wonder that I feel in love with R.L Stine‘s Fear Street Series.

Yes, I know what you are thinking “R.L Stine isn’t a romance writer”. In this you would be correct but the thing is romance written for children and young adults do not look the same for romances for adults. We get things like Hunger Games, Twilight, Looking For Alaska, Remember me, and Green Angel. Books that may have some romantic elements but cover a wide range of other genres. These are our introductions into the world of romance. As adults we will get to read books that are actually centered about the idea of love but until then we are traumatized into thinking that the dude with the murder boner for innocent people is our fated mate.

So yea, I got my twisted ideas of romance on the lap of the dude who gave us Goosebumps.

Back in my day bad boys ruled the world. The badder the better. I feel in love with the maniac murderer because he was the only one to treat the protagonist with any sort of kindness. I mean sure, he shot some dude in the face but true love concurs all. OK yea, he was stalkish and creepy, but did you hear him describe the way she looked as he watched her while she was sleeping.

Swoon




Theme Reveal

Posted by Zeannaroux on

This year I will try to move away from my comfort zone. I tend to talk about some really depressing stuff so this years theme is Love.

Yep, you heard right.

I am going to focus in love and all the gooy lovely dovey I will never have ness that comes with it. No more depressing Jessi (unless the story calls for it) I am a whole new person this month.

What this means is that I will be both reviewing books and writing poems dealing with this topic. Some of the romance books won’t be just pure romance (I need that meaty plot) but I try to make it so every book I read main focus is on romance with other stuff more background. So bring on those devine sweat producing, hand fanning, hallelujah singing romance novels. I got my tea, my blanket, and my unicorn plushy ( property-of-daughter–with-extreme-caution-from-momma)

*Cue confused screaming*

And Scene

Pulled By The Darkness

Posted by Zeannaroux on

Newest story by me. 

I am on a short story and this is the first time things have actually gone well for. I am making good progress, and am nearly done with the part that can be read in the anthology. 

The anthology being the one I want to submit my work to. I have to get things done quickly so that I have chance if being accepted. I am just super excited and happy about this story. 
It is about a little girl who must figure out who she was and why she was created. There is a group of people who have kept her pretty shelted since all her life. Despite her age, she is really innocent. She sees the harshness in life but still just goes through the motions. Not really noticing much unless it  happens to her directly. She is pretty nuch your average kid. But there is something that makes her different from the rest. She can’t age at all. She is forever stuck in the body of a young girl. 

She doesn’t question why bit eventually events starts to occure that make her question what is truly normal for all. 
There is more to thus but I came about this idea from a picture I found online.

I love this picture and the words with it cause it fits. I often push people away because I feel that I am not worth the risk. That no matter what, people will leave. 

This reached me and I wanted to write a story for this picture. This girl is so inncent yet she knows the cruelness og this world. She is not yet jaded enough to fear it. She still believes that it can be saved. She is a scared tiny girl. I do not want her to grow up. I want this innocence to stay with her throughout this story. I want her to be unfazed by the darkness but still bask in the light. 

She will be my neutral ground.