F – Forgive Me

It surprised me that I liked it

The way you laid before me

Arms reaching out for some reprieve

I could see it in your eyes

Tears of glory full of grace

But I hold the rod you see

I am the one who makes you bleed

It surprised me that I liked it

So far from my conformt zone

Maybe it’s the look on your face

A sort of pain that can’t be faked

I can see you reach for a reprieve

As though that will save your life

You forget me dear for I hold the rod

I will be the one who fixes these wrongs

A/N I am not doing well… Hmmm mistakes were made. I will go over this another day.

Also pretty sure I misused the word Reprieve

E is for Enough

I give up!

I fucking give up on everything.

Of course I am not enough. I didn’t get to say goodbye. You didn’t even give me a chance. You refuse to let me see you as you lay dying in your hospital bed.

You said I was like a granddaughter to you yet you wouldn’t see me at the end. Told the world that you cared. I am sure that is not what you meant. You were ashamed of me weren’t you?

You truly hated me! How could I have believed… You LIED to me. To my little girl. To her you were her world. She looked up to you.

I did too.

Now you are gone

What the fuck am I suppose to do??

Who will be proud of me now?

Who will tell me it is ok?

Who will sit there and just let me vent, every freaking day. Why did you leave?

You were suppose ro be around forever. You promise to see me do better…

But you left me…

You left me alone

And not even a week later he followed you too.

You were family.

I was suppose to make you both proud.

Just

I promise to better

Please come back home.

I will go to church every Sunday. I won’t question a thing. I will be a better mother. I will smile on command. I will get a job and go to school. I will do it all and more.

Just please please call me so I can walk out that door and see you.

Please let me make you proud.

I know you are gone now

I just handle it right now.

#IWSG Theme Reveal?

Ok so this will be my third year doing this. I know right! Three years of attempting to stay on task and write constantly. I did this to help me get into the habit of writing regularly but…yea…I sort of fail at that. Still third times a charm right…right?

Fucking hell, I am going to fail aren’t I?

So theme reveal. I tend to stick to what I know, which is poetry, but this year I am going to try and change it up a bit. I am not going to stick to a set style but what I will do is try to sit to a set theme. Be it death or loss or …deathly loss. Look I pretty much write death. It is a skill of mine. But by golly I will do something else for a change!

But what?

Not sure.

I will think of that in the coming weeks.

Clicky clicky to go to A-Z challenge page for more details.

I hate challenges and other extreme sports

Ok not going to lie, I failed, I have failed big time. Started to do a monthly challenge and like many thing in life, I failed.

I gave it a good start but then things happened and I just forgot or just had nothing to write.

Not sure why I make these kinds of promises. Was that sentience even correct. I can’t believe that I had to autocorrect sentience.

Goodness me.

I feel like I have much ranting to get in with but I will not. Instead I will stop making promises and actually start doing stuff. Write when I can write. Like actually take the time to do the things I say I will do. Stop saying and just do it.

I feel like I will start babbling soon. It is a special skill of mine. Going on and on about nothing is particular. I am extra good at going off on a tangent. Pretty sure extra good was the wrong thing to say….or put there…maybe it fits.

I am not sure! I freaking failed the grammar portion of every test I have ever taken and that includes Japanese as well.

Yep, I am so bad at grammar that I even failed it in a different language. Is that a skill? I am not sure but I have it.

IWSG monthly Challenge 2

February 1 post  (sorry for being late) 

How has being a writer changed your experience as a reader?

A question given by IWSG monthly Challenge found here


    Pride is a powerful sin and one I seem to suffer from as a writer. Not that I look down on others for what they have written but there are times I read something and feel I could have done it better. There is something to be changed or deleted altogether. 

    I write some pretty dark stuff that has me Jaded to love. Yet, all I read or romance themed books. Whenever they get to a “dark” part I nearly always get annoyed. 

   They can ruin a good murder or abusive past by adding this sickinly sweet verse like it is an end all. Oh the power of friendship and love can combat anything. Umm no how about the power of my fist inserted into a precious part of your body till you understand true pain. 

   I love romance novels, I love mystery, I love anything fluffy yet dark. Yet I have to much Pride and Envy in myself. 

  I WANT what they have so bad but Want to do it better then they ever could. 
This is something I have to work on. Especially since I haven’t yet gone through the struggle to being published.  

As a side note.

I have been dealing with a lot of death and sickness lately so sorry for the monotone writing.