I called a duck by it’s name… it bit me

She called me whimsical. 

How quaint the word

Flows from the tongue as a playful verb

Haha no, it’s an adjective as google says

Had to look up the word cause my head wasn’t on straight.

Lyrically speaking I was blinded by fate

Texting a friend who was suppose to guess my name

Yet she caught on to my simple game

Cause apparently I speak in an amusing way.

I can’t but to give a little chuckle.

A cutesy little smile

How did she guess all this when we hadn’t been talking but a while.

She guessed my personality with some simple words.

Learned all I am because I speak in a verse

A poet I may be

A tiny bit insane

Mainly cause musical words make up 90% of my brain

Yet she knew. 

Despite all the friends to be had she know

I can not say if I am glad to be discovered so soon. 


Dedicated to all the Ambers of this world. You all are way to smart for your own good. Let us sly foxes and grinning cats have some fun every once in awhile ok. 

Long distance means nothing to me. 

When I was a child, I had a friend who lived in China.  I am not exactly sure what made us start being friends. I just know that nearly everyday I would try my hardest to stay up so that we could talk. With me being in America and 15, this was not always an easy feat. Still I considered this young man to be my brother. 

He was the kindest person I knew at the time. Even though we could only talk maybe 30 mins or so I still looked forward to our talks. 

Eventually I lost contact with him. I do not know the reason or even when we stopped talking, just that we did. 

I still think of him. He helped me through so much in life. 

I can only hope that he knows I still love him. He was the brother I did not get to keep. 

I love him so much. 

And miss him all the more.

Daily Prayer as I lay

​It will hurt but only for awhile. 

Keep the pain inside and try your best to smile.

The world won’t believe you.

People will always leave.

Lilac cravings bring you comfort,

Hidden within your skin.

I never meant to hurt you

By making you believe that all is well.

Never meant to hide from, 

This truth I could not tell.

The world around us is painful

People never seem to stay.

I only hope you give me time 

To correct every lie till today.

Lilac cravings bring you comfort

Hidden within your skin

Reminding you that all things 

Must come to a grave end.
I never meant to touch you

To show you what true love was

Never meant to hold you in my arms,

Have you experience such warmth

Never my intention to bring you all this pain.

To show you that the world is cruel

And people rarely stay.

Close your eyes and remember me. 

Remember the love we shared

Remember the times we laughed.

That I showed you what it felt like to care

Color me inside your soul.

Leave me there to fester deep.

Like a wound on your heart

You will always keep.

Lilac scars may cover you

Hidden from the world

But please remember the times we shared

Yes this world may be full of suffering

And people lie with glee

Yes in the end I hurt you most

Because I also had to leave

But please don’t forget us

Don’t forget our love

I never truly left you dear

I am always in your heart.


Focus on me,look in to my eyes.

 Don’t pay attention to those other guys. 

Don’t listen to thier lies just focus on my eyes.

Ignore the pain, the hurt,  regret.

Forget it all!

Don’t worry about the past!

Please Don’t 

This won’t last

It’s  a second and soon it will be gone

Focus on my eyes, listen to my song

Please hear me….

I won’t let you die alone.

In the heat of battles lives are lost. Some taken by the blade of enemies,  others from accidental means. 

Death isn’t a game though. Sometimes you must lie to the person you care about just so they may rest in peace.  You carry on remembering them. Don’t let their sacrifice be in vain. When loosing someone, especially someone who loves you, you must live. You make forget the troubles of the past and live for today. Ignore those trying to stab you in the back. Leave them behind. Leave them to suffer their own fate. Walk with your head high and let your tears flow. It isn’t weak to cry. What is weak is holding in your emotions because you think it will get you through things. Go ahead and think upon them with sadness and happiness. Love them but leave your troubles in the past. Remember them but only for awhile. Because through you, they will never fade from this world. 


Picture description


Compassion on the battlefield for a friend. This photo of one GI comforting another was taken during the Korean War, and published by Life in 1950

U.S. Infantryman Weeps on Shoulder of GI in Korea, After His Friend is KIA, While Corpsman Fills Out Casualty Tags, August 28, 1950


I had someone I loved dearly. A person who had made me smile so much. All through high school I knew this person, but something changed. 

See people love to lie. Once high school end there is no magical reconnection. No one stays in touch. People move away. Go off to college and change. Either maturing are staying their loveable, but distant,  self.

That’s what happened. She matured as I stayed the same. It wasn’t like she stopped talking. No it is was me. I was sick and going through a lot. Homeless and desperate. I didn’t want people to see me like this. 

Still I loved seeing how people lived their lives. Even if we didn’t talk, social media had a way of forcing people to stay in touch. 

Time went past and I heard rumors. 

I didn’t believe them. Didn’t want to believe them. Even as I saw pictures….all I could die was hide and cry. 

I don’t know why I hated myself…I just did. I hated everything about myself. I needed to blame myself for those rumors.

Time passed more and I was forced to face reality. Was forced to realize that my friend was gone. She died from cancer. 
Cancer took my beautiful friend and made her into an angel. 
Those rumors I tried so hard to ignore. The pictures of her hooked to tubes and getting sicker by the minute.  I thought that she would get better. That I would wake up. 

By the time I understood it was to late. To late to tell her I love her. 

To late to ask forgiveness for being so selfish. 

I was selfish to think of things that way. 
In high school we had a game. New freshman were adopted by older students. Taken under their wings and treated like one would treat their son or daughter. Some would even call that upper classmen their parent or uncle/aunt. It was a wonderful game we did.

It came back to bite me though. 
My beautiful friend faded away…my lovely baby girl. 

There is nothing I could do but I wish it had been me. She had a future..I was just some homeless teen without a life to look forward to. She was going to be something..be a someone. 

Instead cancer took her. She was my freshman..she was my junior..my sophomore…my senior…

She is my angel now and I would do anything to bring her back to be my friend again.  



I had a friend who I loved dearly. She stopped talking to me a long time ago. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her. That I don’t wish to call her up and say hello. She is living her own life now. I am living mine.

Not a day goes by that I don’t regret things I have said. I wasn’t given the chance to say sorry. I wasn’t given the chance to say goodbye.

Sadly she isn’t the only one. In my short years I have lost so many people.

One beautiful soul to cancer.
Another to a heart attack.
Another died in some accident…I remember cause we had only been out of school for a few months.

So many passed away but many just stopped talking to me.
I didn’t think life would be this way. I wasn’t warned about this at all. I had figured that we stay together forever. That I would her living door to me. That my beautiful friend would be a world-famous artist. That he would be president maybe even a lawyer.

I wasn’t told that being an adult would be so lonely.  I wasn’t told that all my childish lies would never come true.
I wanted to protect people, I wanted to be a fighter of some kind. Have a huge farm filled with family and friend. Now I am sitting in an apartment, my daughter fast asleep as I cry over lost dreams.
She is my dream now but I never want her to feel the same I do.
I refuse to lie to her. I refuse to let her believe that everything will be the same.

Instead she will learn to cherish the time she has with those she loves. She will learn to say goodbye to the wind knowing that someone out there can hear her. She will know that crying is OK and expected. She will know that she is never alone.
She will learn that dreams and wishes made as a child can come true with a little faith..trust..and some pixie dust.
That even in the dark light shall find a way.


Death of a friend

No amount of words can express the pain of losing a friend. Nothing in mind comes close to describing it and I honestly don’t think I want to.

Who could though? We, as humans, tend to block these sort of things from our minds until it is way to late. Until this friend stands at death’s door and gives us a wave. All death is sad of course but this one…I don’t know…losing someone so close and yet to so far is different. Losing a family member is just that..losing a loved one. Losing a friend is like losing a part of you. The part that made you who you are through many things most family members are not there for. That many of them ignore and take for granted.

Not to say I  hold one above the other but they do feel very different.