Today I do not really feel good. My depression is getting to me. I can not leave my house unless someone actually makes me leave. I can’t say no to invite no matter how much I want to.
I sit and struggle to stay awake. Sleeping forever seems like such a good idea right now.
I get so frustrated….so angry with just about everything.
My daughter was singing today and it felt as though she was scrapping her nails against a chalkboard. Not to say she couldn’t sing but the sound. The fact that she was happy and singing made me so mad. I had to leave the room. I apologized for telling her to stop. No! Not telling, I freaking yelled for her to stop.
She got so upset so I apologized, but the anger was still there.
I had to leave the room for a bit. I didn’t go back for maybe 30 mins or more. Just hid in my room and cried.
I am doing this all on my own. I have friends but I can’t feel it. Like there is a void that is stopping me from accepting the fact that people…Care…
It hurts. I know that it is there and it hurts. I hate myself for feeling this way, but who can I talk to? I feel as though I am being judged all the time. So who can I talk to? Who can really help me understand that things are not what they seem.
Honestly I am just going through the motions.
Wading through this until it ends. That is all I can do. So I do it.
I am ever grateful for the people who put up with me regardless.