Tag Archives: College

Session 1

Posted by Zeannaroux on

Imaginary and Revision

When writing poetry it is easy to put pen to paper and let yourself feel. But it doesn’t do your art justice to let that be the product that you share. Take your time and revise. Read what you write out loud. Record yourself if that helps you. Soak in your own words before sharing them. For that is one way you prove your craft true.

I hate revising

Ok lie, I am to lazy to revise my own work. I think it is because I am so focused on writing and getting it out there. I love to share my pieces with others. Spending hours or possibly days going over one poem seems like a waste to me. But after taking this class I see it differently.

Poems that I had previously seen as amazing started to look amateurish. I focused more on the story that I wanted to tell that I lost the ability to actually tell it. You can see that by looking at my work that it is riddled with errors that could have been fixed had I just bothered to read through them.

The funny thing is, I took a class like this before. I never had to revise because my professor never looked for those things. We still critiqued each others work but we weren’t expected to change anything. With this class we are and I am both happy and lost.

Happy because -yay change-

Lost because…I don’t know what I am doing.

I have had this blog for while know and figured that I have grown as a writer when in fact, I have become stagnated by my own inability to accept doing better by my art. The one thing I am passionate about and I showed such disrespect for it because I couldn’t be bothered to edit.

Now I wonder if I can even consider myself a poet. I am clearly not all that talented. This class has showed me that.

I am not going to let that get me down. I am going to do better, even though I am not sure if I can. But this is only session one. We have plenty more to go to see if I can make a difference.

Session 1: I hate revising.

End session notes: But that doesn’t make it less important if a step in the writing process.

Session 0

Posted by Zeannaroux on

I am taking a poetry class. One that is not even remotely similar to the one I had taken before. I think a part of me should be angry that it didn’t transfer over, but another part is pretty happy.

I get to learn poetry, again, but this time it will be different. This time I have a professor who provides feedback. I have classmates who actually read/listen to the things I am writing. People’s who’s styles differ from my own. I am happy. But I am also sad.

I know that there will be some part of me that will hate what I am doing. I can feel it, this disconnection that always starts to form when sharing my work. On here, it is easy. I can share every crappy poem I write and people may or may not read it.

I want to be a professional writer but I am scared.

So I hide behind my childish persona. I made this page when I was high school did you? Or freshly from it anyways. The name should be proof enough of that. What mature adult would even name themselves something as angsty as this?

Me adult that’s who.

That aside, I am taking a class that both fear and love and figured I would share it with you all.

That’s the goal anyways.

Who knows, maybe this is the sort of class I need to be able to kick start my goals.

Of course another update

Posted by Zeannaroux on

I like to do random updates through the year so that people can get to know me. Which is probably neccessary considering I mainly write poetry on here. But ya know, I got to keep people on their toes I guess.

Whatever that means.

So here is another random update.

School has been hectic. I am doing surprisingly well this semester though I am also doing really had. 3 A+ and 2 F.

How did I accomplish this beautiful feat?

Well my therapist says depression. For some reason my happy chemicals are only present for the classes that I enjoy or ones where the professor makes the class interesting. Even if it is one I would normally dislike due to the subject or the nature of the course. I do well because the professor is responsive, as are my classmates. With courses I dislike or ones where the professor is…meanish, I do not do well in. It is almost as if I become drained of all energy when it comes down to doing the school work.

Like for instance. I am failing a course and asked a professor for help. His response was basically to tell me to do better. Like thank you my guy! Such enlightenment 🙃.

The other professor is for speech. For those of you who have been here for some time you probably know that I have social anxiety. To the point where I have been diagnosed with a minor form of Agoraphobia. Why minor I say? Because I can leave my house and talk to people if the reason I need to do so is for my kid. But I can not do those things for me.

So I order groceries online because grocery stores make me anxious and I go to the doctor only when things start looking like ginger ale ain’t cutting it no more. Even something as simple as taking out the trash is a hassle because there are people at there

Breathing people who can judge. They are CONSTANTLY staring and judging and bound to hurt me.

Fun times.

So, as per school rules, I told her about my accommodation and that I may struggle with this course. In top of that I asked for some suggestions.

Her response

OH, just give it a try

Ok just let me jump on that 🙃

Now, there is nothing wrong with this. I whole heartedly stand by the notion of trying something before deciding if you can do it or not. Here’s the stitch though, I did try. I try every day of my life to be normal enough to stand in front of a group of people and state my thoughts and feelings. There are days when I can barely look my therapist in the eyes because I assume that she will judge me and I can not bear if it she does. I…I do try but there are days when trying gets me nowhere. So unless she is willing to give me a few accommodations I will fail. And lo and behold…I am.

That aside, I am doing well I guess.

I moved. My daughter and I got a bigger apartment and she is loving it. We have a gated patio that is fairly large and she has big plans for it. Plans I am just to flabbergasted to say but I will give a hint, it involves a shit ton of chalk.

Blessings to you all!