This comes the easiest to me. I know it like an old friend.
One that never left despite the many arguments. It festers inside of me growing in the places that love was never able to reach. Still, this is not the easiest for me to admit. I do not like feeling this way no matter how much it comforts me in the end. I think it is because it focuses me.
I am not alone when I am in pain.
If I share it with others there is a chance it will go away.
I have been accused of wallowing in my own self pity
I guess that is based on some truth.
I do not want it to end…it can’t.
I can tell them I hate them though it may take me some time to do so. I love the feeling of disgust. I love how my blood boils when I see them. Hearing their name gives me such a delicious feeling and I am not sure if I want it to stop.
I know this feeling like a long lost friend.
It is something that stood by my side when everything else had gone. Even now I sit in it. Letting it fester inside of me, reminding me of things best left in the past. I need it to survive because without it…I might as well be dead.