I am struggling.
For reasons I can not control I find myself thinking of you.
And no matter how much I fight it I find that I do not have the ability to stop.
Who used to feed me tasteless lies upon a platter
Who used to bruise my body and scream “What’s the matter”???
As if my bleeding lips And busted up tongue
Could convey sweet words when I had none.
I should have seen it from the swastika on your chest.
Who hold yourself above the rest as if You
Are a God among men
But I am lacking in faith and reasons
Once I begin to feel again I begin
Who tore my dress because you said it was ugly
Who blamed me for every cigarette burn and broken knobs on doors
Who always swore it was my fault as you ripped my body apart.
You ripped my ravaged body apart…
And for reasons I can not control I find myself
Who on our wedding day who made my legs a pretty shade of purple and blue.
Who called my job and told them I lied about the money that went missing that one night
The fact that I was not even there
Do you care?
As I struggle to find air around listless tress
Doctors and officers telling me that all will be ok
But it isn’t
It never will
Because you broke me
And made me feel a love so twisted and vicious that I become so fucking addicted
God am I so addicted
But it doesn’t matter anymore
Because I am now crawling in the floor begging for someone
Knowing full well that it is you that I want
AND I FUCKING HATE IT!
I HATE me
But this lack of control gives me something to believe in
Because as I sit thinking of you
Who nearly succeded in making me your wonton whore
I scream a little
While wishing for more.
Soo this is a rough draft. I do not like it at all but I forgot today was C so yea. Will post it anyways.