I don’t want to do anything. Everything feels like to much of a hassle. Dulled compared to what it used to be. At least I think it did. Hard to tell what’s normal now. What used to be.
I think I was happy. Once
I think I smiled and liked to joke about horrible things. Things that made others pause and question my sanity. I know I giggled once when someone accused me of being a conservative. As though my ability to find humor in a horrible situation made it so I applauded the suffering of loved one. I do not know why I wasn’t insulted though.
But now. Things are different. Days blend into one another. They slowly become something I despise. These days and there repeating events, day in and day out. I think I am afraid of change but I remember a time when I welcomed it. Not with open arms but with open eyes. Recognized it as vital but now
Now I sit and bask in the glory that is nothing. At least, that is the more preferable lie.