Distrust

Distrust
By Zoha Lixue

I wanted Jesus to save me
Needed to feel Gods love
Wrapped around me fully
I needed to know in him I could trust
But then I was discarded without a hint of remorse
It was all my fault you see
To young to fight back
Yet old enough to bleed
Taken in a shady place
Beside some holy trees
Right where God wanted me
Torn up knees and a bloody dress
This is where his holiness wanted me best
I was told to pray
That in time
All would be ok
Again I was broken
Again betrayed
Yet I was suppose to forgive and forget
Focus on better days
Maybe it was because I was wicked
Maybe it was because I sinned
Is that why this man was let in?
Did I deserve to be torn
Ripped by someone so loved
Was I so disgusting that I needed to be dirtied up?
I prayed to God daily
And asked him for help
Never gave up on faith
Even faith had given up
Just dusted my knees once he was done
Smiled brightly with my bloody dress
And promptly walked away.
At least…that is the story I will like to tell
I rather not tell the one where I am buring in hell
Every day is a struggle
Every day is war
Every day I am reminded that I was once forced to be a whore
By the grace of God I was tainted
Wanted nevermore
Yet I will pretend I am alright
Cause telling the truth is worse than a lie.

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