While going through an old notebook I found a letter I had written to my daughter. It was a true eye opener. In this letter I apologized to my daughter for taking my own life.
As you can see, I didn’t actually do that. I have a lot of letters like this in that notebook. Apology notes to my little girl who was maybe a year old at the time. Right now she is a happy four-year old. I still have these thoughts but not as much as I did back then. Nearly every week I wrote her a new letter asking for forgiveness. I think it is what helped me go on. I felt like I would disappoint her if I did it. Now I know I would devastate her. She loves me. She truly loves me for me. Something no one in this world does. She makes me happy.
The thoughts are still there but not as they were before.
But I know I can get on even with them in my mind. I know I may eventually heal. It will take time. These letters from my last have shown me this.