Heart never fails me
This is nothing but a warning
Breathe slides by slowly
This is naught but a warning
Canter swifty by
Horses bring about deaths bride
Wrapped in satin
Bathed in light
This is nothing but a warning
To get me through the night
Watches closely listen
Sinners sink to their knees
Bring about a new age
As the bride of death hovers near
Golden hair
Full of despair
Hold your belongings close, for
This is nothing but a warning
I can see the whisper
Can feel it on their breath
This is naught but a warning
Though it means little to me.
As death draws near to see his prize
There is vengence in his eyes
His intent clear for all to see
He is looking…looking
Looking for me
NIGHTMARE FANTASY 
An interesting poem.
Just a slight critique, and mostly just my opinion, but the line “… but a warning” appears just a bit too often for my taste. That and one typo and that’s my only complaints. Otherwise, I enjoyed the style, the way it moved was really fascinating. Not my forte, but well done.
That line was suppose to appear a lot but I will go through it again and take it out at some parts.
I wanted a pattern with it but I didn’t know if it would really work out that well.
Thank you for the advice. It truly means a lot to me.
Not a problem. I had guessed that was why it was in there as often as it was but I think two of them felt out of place to me. Don’t know which ones but other than that I really did like the story and ideas present.
I actually don’t like this one lol. But I put my work here to track my growth when it comes to writing. I would love for people to critique my work and tell me what is good and what needs a little more work. Right now I am trying to find the style the works best for me. Grammar doesn’t matter though spelling does. I am also trying to stay on track of editing but sometimes I get so excited, or frustrated, that I juat push the publish button without checking.
So thank you, this comment means so much to me.
Hopefully other will follow suite and say what they like or don’t like.
Critiques are the way for us to grow as writers, for sure! I don’t get much in the way of critiques and I don’t give them out much either, but I’m trying to get back into the groove.