So there is a wonderful new (?) game that is getting people out and about. People who, just like me, may not have always been able to do that. Not to say that every struggles to go outside or be in crowds but a good portion is that way.

I am slightly overweight  (Never lost my baby weight), black, young mom, with horrible anxiety.  The very thought of going outside makes my skin crawl and I just want to get sick on the very person who suggested it. I have a limit on my outdoor adventures. I go to the store only when needed and I am very lucky to have a balcony so that my baby can get her much needed sunlight. When going to get the mail she is able to play for about 30 mins or so to get even more. Plus with her having tons of little friends, I can scurry to their homes and sit inside as she plays outside. 

I don’t have anything against sunlight. I don’t like people though, no, they scare me. 

Lately though, I have found myself to be slowly going outside a bit more. Standing on my porch with my baby and playing with her in the grass a bit more. I point out the world to her without fear of others around us. I used to do that but when people walked by I would try to disappear.  Not anymore!

No I sit there and I love it. I still can’t go to far but the idea of it no longer scares me. 

Pokemon go gave me a whole near reason to explore the world. While trying to find those little creature I was able to find places I had never been before. Would have never gone to had I not wanted to go catch me another eeve. 

Flowers and trees my daughter may have never been able to touch and smell cause I was stuck inside out apartment and their are no flowers near us.
I know many would say I should have done it for her. That I shouldn’t have let a game be the thing to finally get me to see the world. Let me explain it this way though. As a parent, as a single parent, she is my world. She is my life and without her I am basically nothing. I have no personality because I never knew to have one. So I raise my child with pride, but with it comes the inability to discover myself. I have no interest outside of reading at night. No favorite shows, can’t tell you any current songs. Wouldn’t even be able to tell you my favorite song. 

So when this game came out I was excited. I played pokemon as a child but never to this degree. Never where I had to go out and do things. I felt my inner child come alive. I had to realize that I was a person and not just “Ns mom” .

I get to reach my daughter about something I know, something I love, and she likes it. It makes me happy to share my childhood with her. I have been trying so hard to raise her properly that I forgot myself. With this game I was able to discover a few things. I love the sun but hate the heat with a passion. I remember loving how the sky looked before it rained. Walking in the rain and not giving a car about the world. Laughing and singing to loudly. Echos!!! When was the last time you got to help a child discover their echo. 
This game helped me as it had so many others. 

I am not better..I still can’t go out as much or as far but you know what…I can do so many things I hadn’t before. Things are getting easier to handle. 

And I have this game..my inner child…and my very own beautiful daughter to think.