Oppress me

I am an anti-sjw…
What does that mean? It means I am anti pretty much everything popular now.
I know that there are those out to get me but I don’t think it is the world. I am black and don’t think that everyone I meet who is not, hates me.
I do not think that because I am female that I am owed the world on a silver platter. I do know that there are those who feel that my status as a woman is beneath them. I do not think that because I am of a certain sexuality that everyone should be a certain sexuality. I do not believe that people who are straight are the enemy.  I do not think that the LGBT community is as well put together as they hope to be.

I am OK with people hating me because of my skin, because I am a women, because I am of a certain sex. Hate me all you want ok..but still respect me.
Even if my skin disgust you don’t ruin my day because of it. Still make my hamburger or hand me my purchase.  Go ahead and take the stair cause I am on the elevator.  Go ahead and turn up your noise at me. But respect me enough to keep your comments to yourself. If my skin bothers you enough to wear you can not help me then let me know. You can still be kind while being a complete asshat.

If me being a women bothers you, then take it up with my mom and dad’s DNA. Mainly my dad cause it controls most of what my gender will be. If you think I need to “stay in the kitchen” then by all means think it. Just know that I , nor many others, will not date you. There are plenty of women out there who don’t mind cooking and cleaning for their husbands as they work. Don’t be rude about it. Respect any lady who is willing to do that for you. Be a man who is well taken care of it. It is ok. Just try to pay me fairly ok.

My sexuality is not the issue. Who I choose or don’t choose to make woohoo with is my own business.  If it comes up and you hate it. That’s ok. You have a right to disagree with me. Just respect me enough to not change me. Love me for who I am. Not who I sleep with. Or don’t sleep with for that matter.

I am anti-sjw because many people who consider themselves social justice warriors are not OK when people disagree with them. They call them morally wrong, phobic of something, a slave, a Tom, disgusting, ignorant and uneducated.

People are strange ok. We don’t always have to agree and I don’t expect everyone to fall to their feet and love me. Some person out there is bound to hate me. Honestly…and I am being completely honest…I don’t give a fuck if you hate me for being a women, for having a biracial daughters for being black, and not liking intercourse (I don’t like it, but I am open to dating any gender)
Hate me, don’t date me, tell me I am a fool. It may sting for a bit but don’t worry I will be ok. I will still love my mixed baby girl. I will still like being a women (I say like because periods are not fair) and since I don’t understand they hype for sexy stuff, I am ok. Don’t know what I am missing so yea.

Otherwise. Try to oppress me. Try to hold me back due to these things.
I have been called names by black people, many in the LGBT community and other females for my views.
So if you hate me..you are not alone. I can hand you a list of feminist ready to kick my ass as we speak .

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Karma

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Breaking the habit that burns the soul
Making it the reason to breathe no more
Fight for what is right while praying for the wrong
Taking the time to think some more
This day we stand and fight
Knowing that what we lost is never coming back
Losing all hope we raise up our arms
Knowing full well that death is near
We go into battle with fear
Determined death
We take our last breath
We fought for peace
Know that we wouldn’t live long enough to see the day
When it all comes to play
We fight for our children
With sweat and blood

Jessi’s schedule

8:00am: Wakeup
8:15am: Get Dressed
8:30am: Eat Breakfest
9:00am : Read or watch TV
11:00am : Snack Time
12:00pm : Lunch time
1:30pm : Nap Time
3:00pm : Wake up/Potty song
4:40pm : independent play time
5:00pm : Snack Time
6:00pm : Dinner Time
7:00pm : Bath or TV time
7:30pm : Giggles and kisses
7:45pm : Singing time
8:00pm : Bedtime
8:15pm : Just in case you are still up kisses and reading time
9:00pm : Pretty sure it is past your bed time bedtime.

Over and over again.

Daisey has a schedule but it is really mommies schedule if you think about it. I have it in place not just for her but for me. I need structure to stay sane. She need structure to flourish and grow.
To be fair the only times set in stone or the eating times. Everything else varies by mood. There are days she actually goes to bed on time. Two years old..so proud of her.

Insta-gram

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***Warning. This will touch on a very delicate subject for some and could be triggering. This deals with sexual abuse as a child. If you are unable to read about such things please skip over this post. I don’t write about this often so feel free to read my other stories. Thank you ****

As a child I was free
I didn’t have very many dreams
But I could dance and I could sing
I could be just about anything
I was poor though, no money in sight
I remember all those sleepless nights
All those times my family would fight
Trivial things in a child eyes
Things that could easily be solved
Just by being nice
But one day
Careless as can be
I was

Broken

Grace
Fully

I was held and I was hurt
I was told such hurtful words

What I craved

Was
Taken

Away

I become a slave

To there…

To that place

I was 8

When I first learned hate

I was 9

When I first wanted to die

I was 10

When I begin to sin

Cursing through my veins was insane
Try again
Try again
Try it again
I will hurt you
Cut you
Beat you
I will hate you with my whole being
I will make you as broken as me

My grandmother sat there
Heard and didn’t care
Gave me a warning
The night is was near
She knew
She knew

She fucking knew
His intent was to go deeper
But sweet revenge wouldn’t allow that
I was 8
The day I decided to kill a man
I was 9 when I had dreams about doing  it
Over
And over
And over again.

He is alive by the grace of God
He is alive because death would be
Should be
A treat

Suffer he now as time goes on
But

I suffer more
As ages past

I am 22 now
I hate my past
I hate so much
I want to die

I want to take
That putrid worms life

But

I can’t
I
Won’t

There is someone who needs me more.
So suffer the children who must make do

Who must go on
Live and be held by someone who alway knew.
Least time heals all wounds
Go on
Go
Go on
Time heals some wounds.

Heaven on earth

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I am not someone who gives in easily.
I think to much so it takes awhile for me to decide the correct path. I have to reaserch. Find out what option is best for me and only then can I make a move.
Yet when it comes to dying I never really put too much effort into staying alive. I had always felt like dying was the best option. Was the only path I could take that would bring me closer to peace.
It wasn’t till recently that it all changed. That I realized that although my life can be utter shit that I had a purpose. That I was meant to be here even if I was to blind to see that reason.

I am a mom of a beautiful little girl. She wouldn’t be here if I died. I work with animals and while someone else could do this job I know that they love me. That these animals are happy being around me just as much as my baby girl is.
I still want to die sometimes. I still look forward to that eternal sleep but I have a reason to go on now.
I have someone watching me. I have someone who hold me in their arms and tells me they love me every chance they get. Who ask for hugs and kisses. Who makes up excuses to sit in my lap. I have a daughter. I have a job..I have a purpose.
I may not fully understand the meaning of heaven..but right now..I see heaven in her eyes.
My sunshine who makes even the darkest tameable.

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Nocha Daisey age 5 months

Grace

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Dedicated to a kind person I have spoken with on my journey in blogging. Feel free to look at their page. They are awesome.

 

Looking through the window, I can’t help but imagine life as it used to be. The words spoken and sights seen. This is what happens when things change.

 

Heart melts as it remembers

Beating with a forlorn sigh

How it tries to move on

Search for a different guy

But it can’t help but remember the past

How one love was meant, but wasn’t to last.

Things where felt are now a whisper

Yet listen close cause loves not that simple.

It isn’t easy to move along

To forget the bearing of a sweet song

Even though feelings fade

I can’t help but think of those days

Hold no regret but anger is near

Not for lost love but the emotions not felt.

How dare I move on to someone else.

How dare I be happy after time has passed.

Moved along gently from a lovers grasp

Can he see my smile and weep?

Or should I cower so he can sleep?

Feelings faded not my fault

Yet anger lingers at the thought.

Can I move on to a different path

Or forever be held in a past lovers fated grasp.

 

Dante Oden  (is his name ^-^), wrote a pretty cool thing about how he felt like crap because he didn’t miss and ex. Someone he once cared so deeply for and yet suddenly whom he feels nothing. He is angry with himself for not feeling upset by the ordeal, lost, sad, angry…it is in the past.  He moved on but should he have.

How long should a person sit there and think of a fallen love. Especially after we spent so much time with them. When is it OK to wish them well and move on. Even if people end on bad terms. Should we dwell on it? It is easier said then done to just pick up and walk away…

In my eyes there is nothing wrong being OK with a break up. My last relationship ended and I was only upset by it cause I wouldn’t have anyone to play video games with. I didn’t care about the sex, the touching,  the…dating.  I just wanted to stay up and kill something with someone! I wanted someone to get mad at me if I beat them up in tekken but who would still be willing to kiss me later. Actually freak kissing I want some to cook me dinner cause they lost the game.

Btw..if you are under the age of 25…you lost the game. Was 10 months strong… damn inner voice for reminding me about the game.

 

Back on track. Being in a relationship and having it end doesn’t mean you are obligated to be sad. Doesn’t mean you have to mop around for days. You can be happy. You can smile. Heck you can even con some random person online into joining your guild and watching as they slowly figure out how blood thirsty you are even though you are an archer or healer…or bard… I just like to see things burn while looking cool in pure white. Preferably with a tail or cat ears.

That being said Dante… eat that taco. Go on some dates. Get free food and enjoy your life. Stay away from allies cause that is where the bosses lurk.

I play FFXii..fear me

 

 

 

with the help of some gay idiot (clever title he has)