I am not someone who gives in easily.
I think to much so it takes awhile for me to decide the correct path. I have to reaserch. Find out what option is best for me and only then can I make a move.
Yet when it comes to dying I never really put too much effort into staying alive. I had always felt like dying was the best option. Was the only path I could take that would bring me closer to peace.
It wasn’t till recently that it all changed. That I realized that although my life can be utter shit that I had a purpose. That I was meant to be here even if I was to blind to see that reason.
I am a mom of a beautiful little girl. She wouldn’t be here if I died. I work with animals and while someone else could do this job I know that they love me. That these animals are happy being around me just as much as my baby girl is.
I still want to die sometimes. I still look forward to that eternal sleep but I have a reason to go on now.
I have someone watching me. I have someone who hold me in their arms and tells me they love me every chance they get. Who ask for hugs and kisses. Who makes up excuses to sit in my lap. I have a daughter. I have a job..I have a purpose.
I may not fully understand the meaning of heaven..but right now..I see heaven in her eyes.
My sunshine who makes even the darkest tameable.
Nocha Daisey age 5 months
NIGHTMARE FANTASY 
I am sorry about your experience with depression and am very happy that you are with us today.
I can relate to your story. I tried to kill myself a month or so before my I found out I was pregnant in 1997. I’ve carried that darkness throughout my life but my children have been a huge reason to keep going. I’m actually 99% out of the darkness now so can say with confidence, that love does conquer all. Hold onto hope and love and follow your heart. There’ll be ups and downs sure, but there is light at the end of the tunnel and when you reach it, and your eyes adjust, all the possibilities open up before you. 🙂 xx
PS your daughter is beautiful! Such round eyes full of wonder! How old is she now?
Thank you! She is two years old now. I still struggle with a lot of things but Nocha helps a ton. She keeps me occupied and has gotten used to be running up to her and hugging her.