I had a friend who I loved dearly. She stopped talking to me a long time ago. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her. That I don’t wish to call her up and say hello. She is living her own life now. I am living mine.

Not a day goes by that I don’t regret things I have said. I wasn’t given the chance to say sorry. I wasn’t given the chance to say goodbye.

Sadly she isn’t the only one. In my short years I have lost so many people.

One beautiful soul to cancer.
Another to a heart attack.
Another died in some accident…I remember cause we had only been out of school for a few months.

So many passed away but many just stopped talking to me.
I didn’t think life would be this way. I wasn’t warned about this at all. I had figured that we stay together forever. That I would her living door to me. That my beautiful friend would be a world-famous artist. That he would be president maybe even a lawyer.

I wasn’t told that being an adult would be so lonely.  I wasn’t told that all my childish lies would never come true.
I wanted to protect people, I wanted to be a fighter of some kind. Have a huge farm filled with family and friend. Now I am sitting in an apartment, my daughter fast asleep as I cry over lost dreams.
She is my dream now but I never want her to feel the same I do.
I refuse to lie to her. I refuse to let her believe that everything will be the same.

Instead she will learn to cherish the time she has with those she loves. She will learn to say goodbye to the wind knowing that someone out there can hear her. She will know that crying is OK and expected. She will know that she is never alone.
She will learn that dreams and wishes made as a child can come true with a little faith..trust..and some pixie dust.
That even in the dark light shall find a way.


5 responses to “C+

  1. Your comment about how being an adult is lonely is really profound–and very true. I’ve definitely found that friendships are much different now that I’m an adult. I’m thankful my husband puts up with me!

    • As a single mom I spend a great deal of time playing video games and reading books. It grounds me. I do as much as I can with my daughter so that she knows that I am always with her.

      • You sound like me. I’m very much an introvert and need my quiet “me” time. I’m grateful my husband steps in when I need those breaks. Kids are so good at adjusting to their parents’ routines, though.

  2. Growing up is watching each cherished deception fade away one after another.

    It’s interesting to me, the things we wish for our children. As I watch my boys go through much of the same things I did, regardless of my wishing they wouldn’t, I realize how lucky I was, they are, to be loved. I want them to always know what they think matters, and that every failure is a chance to learn and grow. I want them to make their own mistakes, even if they look a great deal like mine.

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